Believing you are better off without someone in your life is usually the result of feeling hurt or betrayed by that person. Thus, you need to take the time to do some serious soul searching to decide if its time to move on ahead without your ex, or if its time to devise a plan to get her back.

If you decide that getting back with ex lover is the better option, you need to create a realistic plan of action that you can commit to.

The following is a 5-step plan designed to help you put your life into perspective. After all if you can't be true to yourself and feelings, how can you be true to your ex girlfriend, or sincere about wanting your wife back?

1. Give yourself time to heal- You need time to heal. Don't attempt to make contact with your ex wife, ex girlfriend, or partner until you have had time to cope with your emotions, have cooled your anger, and are ready to engage in positive and constructive communication.

2. Avoid making the same mistakes- Although you may believe that your breakup was the result of a single action or event, in actuality, it's possible that your relationship came to an end for a number of reasons, many of which started well before the main catastrophe. Learn what the causes were of the breakup with your ex wife and how many of these causes are attributed to the things you did or did not do.

3. Dump the guilt – You need to free yourself of any guilt. Forgiveness is an absolute must if getting back with ex is essential to you. However, before you can forgive your ex partner, you need to forgive yourself. Stop placing blame on yourself and your lover, you will rid yourself of a slew of negative emotions including anger, bitterness, pettiness, and resentment, and allow for positive emotions to take over your better judgment.

4. Have confidence in yourself - Don't beg your ex to come back. The object isn't to show your ex lover that your life can't go on without her, the goal is to show her how much you want and need her love. Thus, you need to take charge of your own life and make it obvious that you can stand on your own two feet. You need to show that you are strong, capable, self-sufficient, confident, and most importantly are consistent.

5. Be willing to make a change – If you want your wife back, or your ex girlfriend, you need to be willing to change to meet her needs, and to ensure your needs are met too. Don't forget, even if you and your ex renew your relationship, it cannot be based on the same foundation as before or it will simply fail again.

Completed your own inner soul searching, only then can you attempt to patch things up with your ex wife.