I’m reading a good book at the moment called “Start where you are". It’s about meditation and is written by a female American Buddhist Monk, Pema Chodron.

It got me to thinking about how much of a challenge it can feel to do this – to start where we are. This state of mind is about accepting where you are currently. This speaks to me in the same language that coaching does – with the premise that you can only work from today, because you have already done all the actions and events in the past that got you to where you are.

You can’t change the past.

It’s common sense, isn’t it? Yet it’s amazing how much time we all spend focused in the past – the “if only" time. I do it myself all the time – “If only I’d made this decision, or that decision, if only I hadn’t bought x, or had that conversation with Y, everything would be ok today"

Do we actually know that as the truth?

Whether it is your recent past, or your past from years ago, you can’t change what happened in it. What you can change is what you do next.

Accept where you are today.

To start from where you are today, you need to accept it – yes, in all the glory of things you are pleased about, and in all the pain of the consequences of past actions. All of it. It’s all you, and if you hadn’t made those decisions and taken those actions, you’d be a different person. If you don’t like the person you’ve become, then you won’t change it by living in the past. All you can do is make peace with where you are today.

What if there have been major difficult issues in the past?

You still have a choice about what you can do from today, and how you choose to inform your life from that basis. I love reading J D Robb, a futuristic crime writer who has a character called Eve Dallas. She came from a situation where her father had abused her, but it was the foundation of her decision to go into the police to “stand for" all the other people who found themselves in a victim situation. If you have been in a traumatic past, accepting where you are today may mean taking professional advice, to start freeing you to live your life the way that you want.

Start creating your power

You have the power to create your life the way you want it – we have more power now, especially as women, than any time in the past. It’s up to us to make the most of it, and start making choices which make us feel powerful, yet still support others. Power here is about recognition of who you are at root, and then letting this guide your life, rather than abuse of power.

Actions you can do to create your power

1.Get some quiet time and create a list of all the things up to today that you don’t want in your life, that frustrate you, annoy you, make you sad or guilty

2.Create a second list of all the things that you have in your life right now that you like, love or enjoy – this is where you are starting from, your current enjoyments

3.Create a third list of all the things that you really want, and feel passionate about in your life. This is who you want to become

4.Take yourself into the future and imagine what it would be like achieving all those things and attributes, really get into visualizing the picture

5.Prioritise your list and start an action plan on the one thing that is most important to you overall. Take that first action to achieve it.