What's so convenient about kitchen conveniences? I don't have an electric coffee pot, an electric espresso maker, an electric can opener, an electric hot pot or an electric sealer. No, I'm not against progress. I'm against making extra work for myself. The more modern the kitchen convenience, the more parts it has. The more parts it has, the more parts it has for me to clean.

I don't have a food processor. Instead, I have a very sharp knife and a large spoon. Not only are they much easier to clean; but they also have no moving parts. There's nothing to stop working but me.

Okay, I have a dishwasher; but in spite of the sparkling advertising that said it would clean the dirtiest pots and pans, I'm still scrubbing them. The machine should be called a dish dryer.

I also have a garbage disposal; but as my sons grew up, I needed it less and less. Teenage boys are garbagr disposals that can talk back with their mouths full of what's ever available.

As the boys grew, so did the amount of trash. In spite of that, our compactor looks like new. It should - I've never used it. I just buy bigger trash cans and compact the trash with my foot.

Yes, I have a microwave; but I only use it to warm food. I don't want to cook part of dinner in a fraction of the conventional time because we would have to wait for me to get the rest of the dinner ready. Besides, I don't like to be near the microwave when it's on. I worry about getting a permanent wave.

Then there's my self-cleaning oven, which has to be wiped out after it has supposedly cleaned itself. I might as well wipe it out after I spill something, so I do.

I wipe the permanently waxed floor to get off scuff marks. Maybe the floor would actually be convenient if it were coated with Teflon.

However, there is one kitchen convenience I actually find convenient; but it's not in the kitchen. The answering machine is in my husband's office. It's too far away for me to hear who's calling, which is why I think it's convenient. I have the perfect excuse for not picking up.

Okay, some of you may think my kitchen is way behind the timew; but think about my kitchen the next time you have a power outage.