1. "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
2. "The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat."
3. "Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
4. "Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination."
5. "Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them."
6. "If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed."
7. "If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less."
8. "Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."
9. "Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself."
10. "The best mind-altering drug is truth."
11. "Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest -- then we can all die laughing."
12. "If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?"
13. "Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers."
14. "If you can't be direct, why be?"
15. "A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?"
16. "All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
17. "I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining."
18. "Infinity is just time on an ego trip."
19. "We are all in this together, by ourselves."
20. "We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles."
Yes, it's true. When it comes to witty humor, Lily Tomlin is hard to beat. These 20 Lily Tomlin quotes are a perfect example of her humor and wit and are a wonderful way to honor her birthday.
