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How To Be Assertive Without Getting ANGRY
Rosella Aranda
LET'S NOT OVERDO IT
Sometimes, however, our efforts to show our assertiveness
cross the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive
or downright belligerent.
Let's clarify the major distinctions.
ASSERTIVENESS VS. AGGRESSIVENESS
In any situation where your rights or space are being
violated, there are generally three options available to
you. You can:
1) Be submissive, say nothing, and fume in silence.
2) Be aggressive and hostile, which will probably just
fuel the fire.
3) Calmly and politely assert your interests.
Sometimes when we feel compelled to speak up, we can easily
lose sight of the fact that we just want to stop the
offensive behavior, period. We do not need to humiliate the
other person, nor do we need to humiliate ourselves by
overreacting.
This person may not even be aware of any wrongdoing. In any
event, explosive, self-righteous behavior is never a good
first line of defense.
CONFIDENT PEOPLE HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO BELITTLE OTHERs
Assertiveness does not seek to humiliate or purposely
embarrass anyone. The other party may well end up feeling a
little embarrassed, but it won't be laced with anger at you.
It's amazing how cooperative people can become when treated
with respect. And it is equally amazing how swiftly and
surely they will become uncooperative if they are being
attacked in any way, even with a subtle gesture or an
exasperated tone of voice.
HUMANS ALWAYS RESPOND MORE FAVORABLY TO KINDNESS
There's an old saying, maybe a little corny, but it still
holds true: ?You can catch more flies with honey than you
can with vinegar.?
This bit of common knowledge may not be as common as we
think. Next time a situation arises, remember that you can
choose to assert your interests calmly and politely without
becoming angry or abusive.
Your kindness will likely be returned, and even if it's not,
your own sense of personal mastery and self-esteem will rise
a notch.
You'll find such good feelings to be habit-forming. Now
there's a habit worth having.
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