LET'S NOT OVERDO IT



Sometimes, however, our efforts to show our assertiveness

cross the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive

or downright belligerent.

Let's clarify the major distinctions.

ASSERTIVENESS VS. AGGRESSIVENESS

In any situation where your rights or space are being

violated, there are generally three options available to

you. You can:

1) Be submissive, say nothing, and fume in silence.

2) Be aggressive and hostile, which will probably just

fuel the fire.

3) Calmly and politely assert your interests.

Sometimes when we feel compelled to speak up, we can easily

lose sight of the fact that we just want to stop the

offensive behavior, period. We do not need to humiliate the

other person, nor do we need to humiliate ourselves by

overreacting.

This person may not even be aware of any wrongdoing. In any

event, explosive, self-righteous behavior is never a good

first line of defense.

CONFIDENT PEOPLE HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO BELITTLE OTHERs

Assertiveness does not seek to humiliate or purposely

embarrass anyone. The other party may well end up feeling a

little embarrassed, but it won't be laced with anger at you.

It's amazing how cooperative people can become when treated

with respect. And it is equally amazing how swiftly and

surely they will become uncooperative if they are being

attacked in any way, even with a subtle gesture or an

exasperated tone of voice.

HUMANS ALWAYS RESPOND MORE FAVORABLY TO KINDNESS

There's an old saying, maybe a little corny, but it still

holds true: ?You can catch more flies with honey than you

can with vinegar.?

This bit of common knowledge may not be as common as we

think. Next time a situation arises, remember that you can

choose to assert your interests calmly and politely without

becoming angry or abusive.

Your kindness will likely be returned, and even if it's not,

your own sense of personal mastery and self-esteem will rise

a notch.

You'll find such good feelings to be habit-forming. Now

there's a habit worth having.