It's hard to fix a problem when we don't know its cause. Yet, when it comes to relationship issues, we might be reluctant to look at the cause. Maybe we get scared about what we might find out. Maybe we blame ourselves and wonder if there is something awful about us, just because something goes really wrong on one of our dates ;).

Basic human nature is essentially good. Throughout history, most bad stuff was done by people who believed they were right. They may have been crazy to think that, but they at least convinced themselves that they were right - despite how awful they might have felt about it later.

Very few people do bad things knowing that is what they are doing and are able to feel good about it. The fact is that we feel bad about doing bad, because we are essentially good. We feel good about doing good also, because we are essentially good. That makes sense, right?

Yet, there can be this nagging doubt. Maybe there is a bit of us that doesn't always want to do good. Maybe we are trying to keep this part in check and that makes us wonder whether the part of us that wants to be bad is the 'real us'. I call this the part of myself The Dragon because it almost feels like that is what it is.

But, remember in myths and stories the Dragon sits on a 'hoard of gold'. The 'gold' symbolizes the gifts The Dragon offers us. However, it is not so much in the form of outer riches. It is immense inner wealth that The Dragon offers - when we learn how to relate to it in the right way.

When we deny The Dragon inside us we deny its wealth too. We have his hoard of gold inside us yet it inaccessible and becomes useless to us. This makes us 'needy' of other people. It can make is too dependent on others for nourishment and support. We end of 'sucking' on others when we really would rather feel more 'giving'.

How can we tap in to the power of The Dragon?

The Dragon lives in a 'cave', so first we have to go to that cave. We need to pull back from the world a little and go on an 'inner quest'. This inner quest leads us to the sources of nourishment inside ourselves.

This does not mean we have to change a thing in the outer world. We can still do the laundry, do our email, talk to people, hold down our job and so on.

What is means is that we stop 'leaning' on other people so much. When we feel 'needy' and 'wanting' of someone rather than doing the usual things (whatever they are for you) we pull back and wait a little bit.

We just let ourselves be 'needy' for a while and see where that inwardly leads us rather than looking for answers outside. The feeling will take us to a sense of something we want. We may think we know what we want already, but if we follow that feeling - in that moment - we may find that what we really want surprises us.

At first we might find a certain amount of anger inside of us, or even an a lot of rage, and our Dragon may need to 'blow fire' for a while till it it ready to quiet down a bit.

If we kindly ask ourselves 'Why do I want that?' even to the most obvious wants we get deeper into our inner cave. We may find that what we really want is covered by things believe we 'should' want, rather than what we actually want.

This one of the golden gifts The Dragon offers you: the simple truth about the unexpressed feelings about what we really want. Later it also begins to offer you the abilities to make things happen, but first you must accept the truth. It does not work the other way around. Your abilities only arise as you truly accept your need of them.

Once we have a sense of what we truly want, we can then hold that feeling. We can hold it as if is something precious, for that is what it truly is. It is part of us. It is not something we ought to discard, or get rid of as soon as possible - tempting as that may be... It is important to hold the feeling rather than trying to escape from it. When we hold the feeling we can use it as fuel to do the inner part of creating what we want.

We can then start to move to the feeling of, 'What would it be like to have that need met?'. What would it really feel like. Where would we be? What would be the look on our face?

As we hold in ourselves how it will feel to have that need met something very interesting happens. It awakens in us the creativity, the ideas and the things we need to do to make it happen. It may be that later we want to visualize, and write or say affirmations to reinforce this process.

We may get ideas of courses we want to take, books we want to read, places we want to go and so on. We can later explore theses things and see where they take us. They may take us to either a fulfillment of a need, or a deeper sense of what we need. Both are good. For it is not about running away from our needs, but of being able to be with them.

"What is different?", you may wonder. Well, rather than this being an outer desperate search it is an inner quiet search. Yes, this can lead to outer action, but the action then comes from a sense of creating rather than sense of desperation. We are standing on our own two feet and moving without such a sense of wanting to lean on others.

When we connect with our deepest needs we often find that we have the resources inside ourselves to meet them and don't really 'need' other people as much as we thought. We then have more to give. And, guess what happens? Other people pick up on that. Does that make us more attractive? You bet it does!

In doing this we transform the consuming fire of The Dragon into a life giving force that helps bright light and warmth into our lives. We find that our needs our really precious gems that lead us to knowing ourselves better. We find that we have previously untapped gifts, skills and abilities that help us improve our own lives and the lives of those around us.

When we stop earnestly searching for what we want 'out there' we can then start searching inside ourselves. That leads us to the resources we already have inside us to create a deeper and more fulfilling life. The ancient sages have said it for a long time - well, from ancient times at least - that the answers are inside us. Maybe they are right and we ought to give it a try.

Maybe then we will attract the one we are looking for, or perhaps even find we don't really need them so much as we thought. After all we have a The Dragon to take care of and The Dragon is taking care of us...