If you answered yes to this question, think about this: If you know that they are not your soul mate and/or there is no possibility of a true, loving, committed relationship with them, would you be willing to give yourself all the time that it takes to let them go? I don’t believe that you have to stop loving them but I do believe you need to find a new place in your heart for them. When I envision my own heart, I see it as a vast, loving, elastic, sacred space that fits within my chest and expands to encompass the Universe. There is a chamber in my heart for people that I love, or have loved, but no longer have my attention on. Take some time to find a place in your heart where you can send your former lovers love but not spend any of your precious time “wanting" them. So often people will tell you to “just forget about them" when really, that just isn’t possible for you. I think a lot of pain comes from resisting our true feelings for someone. Allow yourself to love them but not be consumed by thoughts of being with them.
As your thoughts of this person come up, quickly tuck them into your special heart chamber and turn your attention to something else. If you find yourself obsessing, wishing, hoping, fantasizing about what you can’t have (or what isn’t in your highest and best good) it then becomes an issue of managing your emotions. There are many great forms of therapy and emotional processes to help you with this including EMDR, hypnosis, and The Sedona Method (more details about this are in the Resource Guide).
Be willing to spend the time and money to get professional support if you need it. I certainly did my share of therapy and workshops and found all of it incredibly useful.
Are there any past relationships that I am incomplete with? (someone you are still angry with, feeling betrayed by, haven’t forgiven, etc.?)
Identify who you need to complete with – this would include what they did and what you did and your thoughts on what it will take to make you “ok" with the situation. I have found that writing a detailed letter (that will probably never get mailed) is the fastest way to download all the hurt and upset. If you answered yes to this question, take fifteen minutes now to write this letter. In the letter, be sure to acknowledge and apologize for the part you played in the situation (If you are thinking you’ll do this “later," I invite you
