You've seen the signs written on the wall. Its not hard to miss, its written all over them. Or maybe it is you trying to hide something. Whoever it may be, once the knowledge of an affair is known, both parties are left with a very hard choice to make. Is a divorce the next step in this relationship?

Some people who have been hurt by infidelity reach for divorce in the heat of pain and hurt. But, in actuality, divorce can make the situation worse. There are good reasons to stay married after an affair.

You need to take a careful look at who and why before jumping to further actions. You will find it hard to get past the feeling of deep betrayal at first, but given time and commitment to honesty from both spouses, forgiveness is quite possible. Marriages take lots of work, but forgiveness and change of heart are both possible. In order for this to happen, however, both people involved must take a long hard look in the mirror.

Specific reasons to stay married after an affair are varied. Some people are simply opposed to divorce, whether it is due to religious, moral, or other personal beliefs. With the right attitude and humble perseverance, they are often able to rebuild and even thrive with a better marriage than they had before the infidelity occurred.

Love and respect can play a big part in saving a marriage as well but commitment to total transparency can be in invaluable element. The advantage of total transparency is that the couple is finally able to experience something approaching unconditional love. Both spouses should aim for a point where they know that all their own secrets are out and each mate knows just how imperfect the other really is. Only then can each spouse find the peace of knowing that the other, knowing everything, still loves. Keeping secrets and hiding our problems rather than looking them in the eye will almost insure more trouble later.

On the other hand, an affair sometimes can just be chalked up to plain old stupidity. For example, a drunken one night stand is certainly not comparable to a decade of love and companionship. Sometimes the transgression simply comes down to poor judgment or a horrible mistake. So, if both parties are willing, it can be entirely possible to stay together. Nevertheless, the hurt from the infidelity must be thoroughly dealt with to prevent any future infidelity.

There are various other reasons to remain as a unit after such an event. These reasons can include a child or children and their well being, as well as financial reasons. There can be any number of reasons to remain together after an affair. Every situation is different and everyone has different reasons. No matter who is involved, however, it is vital to talk about the feelings and hurt that has come from this event. If these things are not addressed, then the people involved run the risk of seeing these feelings again down the road.

Make sure that you avoid any quick and emotional decisions if your life is touched by infidelity. Try to communicate with the other person involved. But avoid directly addressing the "other" woman or man in your mate's life. Remember to think of the long term effects, and what will be best for you in the future. Do not act from emotions that can cause equally poor decisions as those that resulted in the affair. This will only make matters worse instead of better. Give yourself time to process all that is happening and don't rush. Regardless of outcome, the pain and feelings associated with an affair will not go away by themselves, so be sure to address the feelings your experiencing and not sweep them under the rug.