Did you have only a few friends when growing up with ADD? If you're an ADD parent, does the lack of social ability in your child just tear you apart? It's true that no children have social skills until they're taught, but did you know that 60% of all people with ADD will never have the ability to get along well in society?

The issue isn't gender based, either. ADD boys and girls have equal difficulty in being part of a group. However, boys will not agonize over losing a friend like a girl will and they will think that more people like them than really do. Girls fail to recognize that they lose friends because of their tendency to be bossy and controlling, and can even fall into depression when things like this happen.

One huge factor in the ADD person's problem with society is that they don't think before acting. They're impulsive. Even when they've thought about the consequences of an action, they still can't stop themselves in some instances. They lack the little voice inside their head that says, "If you do this, it will hurt someone." There's no "superego," as Freud termed it. Even when they recognize that there will be a problem, they can't seem to regulate their behavior. Some can't even see the cause and effect.

What makes this happen?

Part of normal childhood education is learning to react to social cues like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. But recognizing the subtle cues isn't something that ADD people can do. They can't see the cause and effect of their own behavior, these nuances of behavior in others are just out of their realm of understanding.

Both children and adults with ADD can strengthen these behaviors when in social situations if they:

*Smile and greet other people

*Listen to other people who are talking.

*Apologize when they realize that someone else is hurt by something they said or did.

*Give others compliments.

*Show other people that they're interested in them by asking questions.

*Say thank you and show that you mean it.

*Avoid rambling when in conversation.

*Wait to talk until the other person has finished.

*Look people in the eye.

Be sure to give your ADD child direction in these areas, and if you're an ADD adult, then try to remember these points yourself. Try to be affable and flexible. It's hard for some people with ADD, but getting people to like you isn't that hard. If you have an ADD child, realize that your example is all-important. If you're having trouble getting along with people, they probably will, too.

Work on promoting a higher awareness of other people's body cues and the tone of their voice. Make your child realize that when someone's frowning, they aren't happy and see if they can understand why. Then, make them apply changes to ease the situation. You'll have to be vigilant and to repeat the process over and over again, but the outcome will be a happier adult, especially if your child is one of the many who carries ADD throughout his or her life.