They retreat into a shell, vowing to never allow anyone to penetrate this invisible shield of protection to their heart because, after all, they don't want to be hurt again. And do you blame them?

These people whose hearts have been crushed to the point where they just say "no" to relationships are in what I call "relationship remission."

As a relationship expert focusing on the soul mate relationship in particular, you would think that I would discourage closing off your heart for awhile, but there comes a time in one's life when it's often necessary to take a step back and find out who you are and what you want out of life.

At the tender age of four, Molly envisioned what her husband was going to look like and that they'd have two boys, two girls and all the puppies and kittens they wanted.

She had a "pretend" marriage with Alfred, the little boy next door, and while the adults thought it was cute, Molly knew, even back then, that she wanted a fairytale marriage and was going to live happily ever.

Fast forward thirty-nine years later, and Molly has been divorced three times and never found the fairytale marriage she was looking for. She became disillusioned with the whole dating scene after two attempts of rape, relationships that never lasted and several therapy sessions in which she felt she was the reason her life had turned out so horrible.

Had she not grown up to believing that life was one Cinderella story after another, maybe she would have been prepared for the frogs along the way. But then, who is to know what the future has in store?

No matter how hard you try, the relationship factor has baffled everyone. Since time began, man has always looked for that magic key that would open the lock to that fulfilling and lifelong relationship, without any problems or grief. So far, no one has been able to find that magic key.

Until now.

That magic key lies within you and by entering relationship remission, you'll find out what it is you need to do to unlock that door to your heart and find the Cinderella life that's been eluding you.

By taking a time-out and examining yourself closely, you'll hopefully discover:

1) The only person who can make you happy is yourself

2) In order to be the person someone would want to love, you have to love yourself first

3) Being a queen instead of a pawn guarantees self-confidence and self-satisfaction

4) Self-love comes first and relationships naturally follow

5) You are queen of your own destiny

When you have had time to regroup, you discover things about yourself that you might have been ignoring, and it's a perfect time to fix those things that are making you unhappy. What is life? Is it is a continuous pattern of hardships and mistakes?

In my relationship e-class, I teach that self-love is the most important thing. If you don't have self-love, you have to go back to square one and fix it. It's not hard to do, and if you don't at least make an attempt, your relationships will go nowhere.

Taking a break from relationships when the need arises is very necessary. It's the time when we can sit back and evaluate our past lives and try to figure out how we went off our intended path and how to get back on it.

The irony of this is that this is when your soul mate does appear-when you least expect it!

So, take time off when the need arises and listen to your intuition, which will guide you to make the right decisions. Follow your gut instincts when things don't feel right and when things do feel right, it just means that it's meant to be.

The soul mate relationship isn't hard to figure out. But, sometimes, we need to regroup within ourselves to realize why our knight in shining armor just never seems to be within our reach. Fairy tales are fairy tales, but why not turn your life into your own fairy tale and live happily ever after?

While no relationship is perfect, you have the power to make it into anything you want it to be. After all, you are the queen of your own destiny and hold that key to your future happiness and well-being. Use the power.

(c) Dorothy Thompson "The Soul Mate Queen"