In order for us to get restful sleep, we need to be relaxed. In order to relax, a number of things have to happen. First of all, we need to feel safe and secure. Obviously, if there is tension in the house - abuse, parents rowing, problems with finances or neighbours, or else problems at school or with friends, it will be much harder to relax and fall asleep.



We also need to feel secure and safe in the bed. Some children with sensory integration difficulties, such as problems with touch sensitivity, body position sense (proprioception), or gravitational insecurity may find lying down on a high bed difficult. Such children may be helped by having heavy blankets that help them to feel more grounded.

People have a need to feel cozy and safe in their beds. Unfortunately, some children experience sensory integration trouble. This means they may have sensitivity to touch, proprioception, which is body position sense, or gravitational insecurity. That means if their beds are high, they will have trouble sleeping due to that sensitivity. Sometimes putting heavy blankets on them help them to feel more grounded.

Setting up the environment in the right way can go a long way toward helping us relax. So will keeping to a regular routine. The body gets used to it and knows when it's time to slow down and get ready to sleep. Here are a few ideas:

A warm bath and hot milky drink. The warm bath relaxes the body, and allows the metabolism to slow down as it does not need to be so busy generating heat. Warmth also relaxes muscles. Warm milk contains an amino acid called Tryptophan which is a naturally occurring sedative. Obviously avoid drinks such as Coca Cola, tea or coffee, which all contain caffeine. Avoid also activities that are arousing or frustrating; just before bed is not the time for them to be getting upset about their homework or frustrated with their Gameboy.

A nice bedtime story is very calming. It focuses away from daily anxieties and provides special child-parent time. Feeling loved and valued lets the child feel more safe and secure. If you wish, you might play a taped story after you read to him. Pick a soothing story and turn out the lights so he can listen with his eyes closed.

Relaxing music. Unlike the eyes, we cannot close our ears. The sounds and noises of our environment are constantly entering into our system. Most of them tend to wake us up and increase stress. This is particularly true of sudden and unexpected noises, such as a dog barking, a fox howling, of a heavy lorry passing by. While we cannot shut our ears, we can modify the sounds around us. First of all is to make the room as quiet as possible. Often there is not much that you can do about this, but certainly heavy curtains, double glazing, and closed doors can all help.

Secondly, we can introduce sounds that help to shut out the wrong noises, and that also help us to relax. White noise, such as that produced by a fan or a humidifier does help to drown out the lorries and the barking dogs. So does a radio playing quietly in the background. Unfortunately, these sounds in themselves tend to be arousing and stressful rather than relaxing. This is to do with two factors: pitch and beat. High frequencies sounds are energising, whilst low frequencies are relaxing. White noise is fairly high frequency, as is most music played on the radio - especially if played through a cheaper system with a poor bass response. Also, most popular music has a fast beat. Disco music is the most obvious example of this. No doubt at times you have found yourself tapping or nodding in time with the beat of some catchy music. This is called "entrainment", and describe the fact that our bodies like to align themselves with the rhythms around us. Our heart rates do the same - in general, as you listen to fast music or a fast beat (such as with rap music), your heart rate will speed up; when you listen to slow music, it slows down.

For sleep, we need to listen to low pitched sounds with a slow rhythm. We should try for a beat of 50 to 60 Hz, the rate or our resting hearts. Where do we find these sounds? Some classical music and some nature sounds qualify. I recommend recordings made specially for relaxation. Some of the best are made by Steven Halpern. The Sound Health Series CDs, called "Relax" and "De-Stress" are great. Play them quietly as background noise to drown out the dogs and to create a peaceful environment in the child's bedroom. If he wakes often during the night, consider playing continuous-play CD.

Colour and Light. Not only are our bodies and minds sensitive to the frequencies and rhythms or sounds, we are also profoundly affected by light and colour. This is well know by supermarkets and football teams! The supermarkets use green/blue tinged lights to make the vegetables look greener and fresher, but red tinged light on their meat counters. This is done very subtly, but very effectively. The colours on the product packaging are equally carefully chosen and designed to motivate you to buy. The stores are brightly lit, and may have "muzak" playing. All of this is done to make you feel up-beat and comfortable. The longer you stay, the more you will spend. Contrast that with some dingy shops that you know. In the same way, some football clubs will paint their changing rooms in different colours - red for the home team, as it is activating and arousing; and blue for the away team, as it is relaxing and calming.

Muted tones of blue, green and pink are often used in bedrooms. Blue is serene, green for harmony and peace, and pink is all warmth and coziness. Be careful of the blues and greens though, as they can make an atmosphere feel cold. Bright reds and yellows will fire us up and make it hard to sleep. Even though these effects are subtle and unconscious, they are very real.

The lighting is also important. Not surprisingly, bright lights keep us awake. So too, does light with a "cold" or bluish tinge - such as from fluorescent lights. This is, after all, the lighting of the early morning sun. On the other hand, the twilight sun is full of warm shades of orange and red. So the light from a dim bulb or, better still, from a candle, oil lamp, or natural fire, will be much more relaxing. Combine these with pink furnishings, soft slow music, the sound of waves on the beach ....

The other relaxing aspect of flames is that they flicker. Typically they flicker at 6-7 Hz. This produces the relaxed state of "theta wave" activity in the brain.

How do we get around not putting a candle, oil light or open fire in a child's bedroom? One way is to use electric bulbs that flicker. There are also fiber optic lamps available that create a low level light, changing from one colour to another. The slow, gentle changes are relaxing, assuming that they aren't too bright. Some children like to sleep in a completely dark room. This is when the thick curtains will come in handy to screen out late night and early morning summer sun.

Our most primitive sense is smell. Think of the times you've sniffed the briefest whiff of something that takes you right back to old memories and emotions. Since they affect our emotional state, some smells can help us sleep. The essential oils of mandarin, chamomile roman, lavender and palma rosa are recommended. If you have children older than five, use neroli, geranium and nutmeg in addition. A mixture of mandarin, chamomile and palma rosa or a mixture of chamomile, geranium and nutmeg are especially good. Put the oils in bath water, or rub it on skin with massage oil. You can even put it in the humidifier water. Remember to use moderately. Your goal is subtlety rather than an overpowering smell.

Humidity and fresh air. In the winters we tend to have the windows closed, and the heating on. The closed window cuts out the outside noises, but also cuts out the fresh air. Furthermore, the heating dries out the air, which in turn dries out our nasal passages. Stuffy air and uncomfortable noses are a common cause of poor sleep and wakening in the late parts of the night. Opening the window a crack may help.

There are three ways to improve humidity. Turn the heat down and use more blankets. Remember, this can also help a child feel grounded. Add some moisture to the air with a humidifier or drape a wet flannel over the radiator. The humidifier will create white noise as well. If you put a drop or two of essential oil in the water or on the flannel, you will also create a pleasing aroma.

Waking during the night. It is normal to wake or almost wake several times during the night. The trick is to get back to sleep again. All of the above will increase the chances of this. Along with this it is important not to reinforce a behaviour pattern of waking up during the night by giving it a lot of attention. Infants and young children especially will often cry or make other noises when they wake. Do not immediately rush in to comfort them - this will only wake them up more, and reinforce the pattern of waking in the night. If you leave them alone, most will gradually settle and go back to sleep by themselves. Initially this may take some time, as they are used to getting your attention, but gradually, if you stay firm, this period of time will get shorter.

There must be millions of ways to help your child sleep. Experiment until you find what works best in your home. What about you, the parent? How often are you exhausted and long for sleep? Do you find yourself wishing for a nap before the kids come home? You might be stuck in a nineteenth century myth about sleep. Look at this website to find out some things about sleep that will amaze you, and change your life.

I wish you peaceful nights and happy dreams.