Yes, your date was amazing. He calls you up everyday and somehow gives you the feeling that everything was taking off quite well. And then, he makes fewer and fewer calls ? and stops eventually. Now, it gives you that impulse to pick up the phone and call up on him and asking him the many questions that bother you. Why isn't he getting in touch with you? Is it your job to ?change? him in order for it to work out?
Maybe your excellent intuition capabilities told you not to do such things since it could lead to a troublesome relationship. And guess what? It will. Leave your man the way he is; there's nothing that could change the way he is ? much less convince him that he's wrong.
Here's the thing: you can turn the tables around and you can elicit the response you would like out from him instead of sitting around feeling frustrated over his insensitivity. There is definitely nothing wrong with communicating with him ? the only thing that matters is how you communicate these matters with him.
He's probably thinking that dating you was a great thing! And now, would you like to ruin a great relationship just because of one or two or three missed phone calls?
Figure out why he doesn't want to call. Men don't need to open up their thoughts and feelings to you 24/7. They are more into action than pouring feelings out for an open conversation. So, don't wonder why they aren't calling you quite as often as you'd like them to. They're just probably not in the mood to converse at the moment.
In a deeper sense, he might be considering taking your relationship to another level. Yes, he rarely calls but the fact that he still calls up on you is already a sign that he wants to keep the communication lines open. He's just cautious not to get too much into that ?loving? feeling more quickly than he can handle.
As you can see, he suddenly becomes interested in you, but he's still doesn't feel ?that way? just yet. He's stuck somewhere in the middle and the least you can do right now is force a direct answer from him whether he loves you or not. Probability is that he might want to stay away from you eventually.
And the best way for you to drive him away is to call -- and nag -- at him constantly.
The best way to keep him is to make the most of the time you hang out with each other or when he calls up on you. Don't dwell too much on conversing about why he is not calling you up. Don't nag him to death about why he's acting so distant. Instead, try to lure him to converse with you by making your conversations interesting. Take note of how he acts than how he speaks; these clues will lead you to notice feelings or actions that grab his attention.
It's impossible to convince men to be interested. For the most part, most men need to feel masculine around women. So, show him your feminine side by speaking softly, laughing along with him, and starting genuine intellectual conversations. This is a great help to your growing relationship. Keep him interested in you to keep communication lines open.
Why Did He Stop Calling
Knowing how important a positive attitude is, the typical sales person thinks positively all the way to work. He affirms that he is excited about all the cold calls he is going to make. Having heard how powerful visualization is, he might even visualize himself making cold call after cold call and having tremendous success. Surely this will be the day he takes over the sales world and attracts new customers and business like crazy.
When we take a peek at this same sales professional in his office just an hour later, we hardly believe our eyes. Instead of calling one prospect after another (as his attitude convinced us he would), we find him taking care of busy work on his desk instead. If we could see the thoughts going through his head, they're decidedly different than those we heard this morning:
"You can't make that call now. You don't feel comfortable. Go get a cup of coffee and get ready for the call. Look at your desk. How do you expect to generate any more customers with your desk in such disarray? You need to get organized before you go collecting any more customers." etc., etc.
Perhaps you're familiar with The Third Man, by Graham Greene. The story begins with Holly Martins arriving in Vienna at the end of World War II. He's been offered a job by an old high school chum named Harry Lime. Right after his arrival, he learns that Harry was killed in an auto accident.
To make a long story short, the rest of the story revolves on Holly trying to understand the truth around Harry's death, while simultaneously trying to win over Harry's beautiful, former girlfriend. If you see the movie version, you won't see the character that plays a critical role until the last few minutes of the story.
Why do I mention this classic story? I mention it because it reminds me of the sales process. Typically, the highlighted characters in any sales training are the salesman and the prospect, but the character that portrays a critical role is almost never mentioned simply because it isn't visible. Similar to The Third Man, the character may not be seen, but the effects of that character are blatant and destructive.
Plenty of sales trainers will talk about the relationship between the sales professional and the prospect, but they fail to ever mention "the third man" in the sales world. This third man is so rarely spoken of that most sales people don't have the slightest idea how to deal with it, and because of that, they fail to make most of the sales calls that they actually desire to make.
So who is "the third man," this critical player, in the sales business? Fascinatingly enough, this critical player isn't real in the sense that you can see it. But you can definitely see its negative effects. It's sometimes referred to as an inner committee. I often refer to that voice inside our head as "the trouble thoughts."
You would be hard pressed to find a sales professional who isn't familiar with those trouble thoughts that talk him out of making calls now and convince him to wait for a better time to make sales calls or cold calls. The definition of just what is a better time to call varies. It can be when one won't bother his prospect, when one won't interrupt his prospect, when one is better rehearsed or better organized, when one has more courage, when one has more confidence, when it's not so early, or when it's not so late.
Perhaps the most frightening aspect in this entire call reluctance scenario is that most sales professionals believe they are alone. They wouldn't dare speak about their fear of cold calling or about all the reasons they postpone making sales calls because they think they are the only ones doing that. Consequently, they believe there is some secret they have yet to learn before they can make all those calls they need to make.
Again, they're waiting... waiting for that secret to be revealed - the secret that will make all their prospecting fears go away.
From my own sales experience, I've learned that the best time to call a prospect is as soon as I think about calling him. Waiting for a better time usually results in one of two things - never finding the right time to call that prospect, or waiting so long that by the time the call is finally placed, the prospect is already doing business with someone else and no longer requires the suggested product.
Effectively teaching sales professionals how to overcome the fear of cold calling and to "seize the phone" doesn't necessarily require a lengthy process. I prefer to compare that process to a baseball player going up to bat, and naturally having the goal to hit the ball, run to each of the bases, and finally cross over the home plate and score.
Getting to first base involves coming face to face with that critical player, the voice that talks one out of making all those calls. By revealing that voice as the liar that it is, sales people discover they can move on to second base.
Moving to second base requires learning how to detach oneself from the persistent voice that nags and distracts but never points one in the right direction. By effectively dismantling the seeming hold that fear has on them, sales professionals can move on to third base.
Getting one's feet firmly planted on third base occurs when sales people see more to their business than the exchanging of goods and money. By opening their eyes to recognize the potential ongoing value they create and the good that unfolds simply by contacting others on the telephone, they learn the greater aspects and opportunities of their business.
Finally, all sales people need to learn that getting to home plate is only accomplished when they take their foot off of third base. They must come to grips with the fact that the sales process is a continual cycle, that everyday they must walk out of the dugout of fear, pick up a bat of immeasurable value, put themselves in the game and start playing.
Always the biggest obstacle in any sales person's career is himself. When sales people learn how to get that critical player inside their own head out of their way, the potential is truly unlimited.
Both Aaron Adams & Tammy Stanley are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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