Mother has just heard that Greg was throwing stones at someone:



"Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?" [Why would I tell you if you don't know for sure?]

"What do you mean? Nothing." he says, with an innocent, puzzled, expression.

"Did you throw stones at that new girl?" [Hmm, maybe I can get away with this.]

"No.", he says out, loud looking shocked that you would even imagine such a thing.

"Interesting, since Mavis said you did."

"Well it wasn't me, it was some other kid." [Surely she will believe her son before a neighbour!]

"She is convinced she saw you doing it."

"She's wrong! It wasn't me!"

Mum's first mistake was to offer him a way out, and then immediately corner him. Now they have to face off. Does Mum believe Mavis, or is there room for doubt? Greg does sound pretty sure of himself. Maybe it was another kid. If she lets him off now she'll have to tell him how sorry she is. If she believes he's guilty, she will have to punish him both for lying and for throwing stones.

Just about any child will lie to avoid getting into trouble with an authority figure. As a parent, you need to be the one to encourage honesty and truth. Part of doing this is to let him know the benefits of truth-telling. Lay a strong foundation of truth and honesty in your family. Don't ever lie yourself. Start looking for honesty and truthfulness. Keep talking about the importance of building a solid reputation. Also, notice and reward your child when he is honest. Continue to show that honesty is a Good Thing, and will reap rewards.

Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanor, stay calm.

If you know what they have done, do not ask them, "Did you do it?" Why tempt them? Tell them what you know, and dish out the consequences.

You can also ask him to tell you the truth. Here is an example that won't giver him the option to lie about it:

"Hi Greg, I was talking with Mavis this afternoon, and she told me about something that she saw. I would like to hear your version. Why don't you go away and think it over for 15 minutes. Don't forget how much we value honesty in our home."

This will give Greg a chance to think things over. He can dig a bigger hole for himself, or he can be honest and face the consequences. If he tells you the truth, praise him for his honesty. If he chooses to lie, even after thinking about it, then you must double his punishment. He has now both lied and thrown stones at someone, and there are consequences for both.

However he responds, have a talk with him when things have quieted down. Talk about why he may have done it. Was he mad, jealous, or feeling insecure? Tell him that such feelings are normal, but they don't excuse acting badly. This will take time, as he won't talk until he knows he can trust you not to be angry with him.