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You Dont Want It

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Tom had decided on a course of action for the group to take. I don't know how much research he had done, or whether he had received input from others, and he didn't say. That, however, wasn't his mistake. Managers reach decisions in various ways, and Tom had clearly done so in his way. His mistake lay in the way he announced his decision.



His exact words were, "I've decided this is how we're going to move ahead --- unless anyone has any objections." As he said this, he glanced around the table, and his facial expression clearly said that objections would not be welcome or even seriously considered. As an observer, I could tell that at least two of the attendees had something to say, but didn't speak up.

In any conflict between words and body language, the body language always wins, and Tom's people responded accordingly by withholding their input. They also kept their feelings to themselves, but I have no doubt they resented Tom's statement.

So what could he have done instead? Well, depending on whether or not he was open to input from his team on the subject, he had two choices.

1. Input welcome

Having made the decision, he might ask the team for some ideas on how to deal with the consequences of the actions. In that case, he might say, "I've decided this is how we'll be moving ahead. I'm sure there will be some negative response from the field managers --- does anyone have any ideas on how to handle them?" Or, "I've decided this is how we'll be moving ahead. If anyone has any thoughts on how to communicate this to the front line people, I'd welcome them either now or after our meeting."

2. Input not welcome

If he has already given the matter all the consideration he feels appropriate and doesn't want comments on his decision, he might say, "I've considered this from all angles, and I've decided this is the way we'll be moving ahead. Let's talk about how we'll implement the process."

While the second way may not be popular among team members, at least it doesn't pay lip service to collaboration, while at the same time slamming the door in the face of anyone wanting to speak up.

Clear, genuine communication can help make even unwelcome news acceptable, and builds confidence in --- and respect for --- the leader who knows how to use it.
You Dont Want It
1. First, accept the fact that you are not perfect and that nobody else is perfect, either. This seems self-evident, but a surprising

number of people expect themselves to get everything right the first time, often without instruction.

2. Drop your defensiveness. Feedback feels like criticism to many people.

When you are tempted to explain why you behaved as you did, and why you could not possibly have done anything differently, stop yourself. Take a deep breath and listen carefully. Think about what is being said to you; try not to think about how you need to respond. Being able to do this takes courage and practice.

3. Make sure you understand what you are being told. Ask questions about specifics. Ask for details and examples, and listen to them.

4. Restate in your own words your understanding of the issues that are being discussed, and clarify the issues before you respond to them. Clarify whether the person offering the feedback is requesting that you take some action in response to the feedback.

Showing that you are listening and understanding is often enough.

5. Decide whether a response is really necessary. If it is, take time to think about how to respond, even if it means asking to discuss the situation at a later time.

6. Recognize that even criticism usually contains useful information.

7. Treat criticism as feedback offered in an unskilled manner, and respond to it as if it is offered as a gift. This takes practice - do the best you can.

8. Always thank the person offering you feedback.

9. If you suspect that someone has information about you or your behavior and is not offering to share it with you, ask for that person's feedback. Be certain to accept the comments non-defensively and with appreciation, even if you are unhappy with what is

being said. The more often you do this, the more you will learn about yourself.

10. Once more, say thank you and mean it!

Excerpted from lesson 11, "The Integrity Course."

Copyright 2006 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
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About Author
Both Helen Wilkie & Laurie Weiss are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Helen Wilkie has sinced written about articles on various topics from Writing, self improvement and motivation and Finances. Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker and author, specializing in workplace communication. Subscribe to her free monthly e-zine, "Communi-keys" at
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