Bartender, yeah, I hear your wise ass, give me a minute   I'm trying to get this round over here   What do you think I'm just working for you here?   Actually will you, will you send a drink   To the lady at the end of the bar? Yeah, that one right there      Here you are, man   Yeah, yeah, it's on me, tell her it's from Travie   It's from this guy over here      From the second she shimmied in   I was intrigued by her essence   And my first instincts to make sure that my presence was felt   Simple and plain, I'm probably jumping the train   But all I could see was my name engraved on her belt      Hit the pause button, damn   I don't even know this girl   And I'm already practicing my sweet-nothings      But that's a classic trait of a soft-spoken   Heart-broken, fellow like my self best believe   (Pussy)   I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve   But that night the Jagermeister had my sleeves rolled up      Wait a minute, hold up   I think she caught me grillin', now I'm spillin' my drink   (Don't look, don't look)      I knew our feelings were in sync   So now she gave me the wink   The only problem is, I'm not your ordinary average Romeo   A Cyrano de Bergerac   (Shut the fuck up)      In fact, I remember back in fifth grade   I tried to read the book of love, but sadly   The introduction didn't grab me   So I left it on the shelf and kept moving      Assuming that this planet rotates   I'll just procrastinate until the day I bump into my soul mate   Who would've thought I would be pissy ass drunk   When time came for collision      So I made the decision to just keep my composure   (Cool, cool)   Until she started getting closer   And then I felt this weird feeling underneath my left shoulder   And then I slipped, tripped, busted my lip and fell in love      The minute that she stepped in the door   The type of girl, I'd have to make a couple mix tapes for   To me, she equaled MC Squared   And everything else was mathematics   I never took the time to practice