I play in a band    We're the best in the land    We're big in both Chelsea and France    I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar    There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance    So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty    These other gals mean nothing to me    Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night    'Cause I'm more than a handfull you'll see       [Chorus:]   So kiss me, I'm shitfaced   and i'm soaked and i'm soiled and brown   in the trousers, she kissed me!   And I only bought her one round      I can bench press a car    I'm an ex football star    with degrees from both harvard and yale    Girls just can't keep up    I'm a really love machine    I've had far better sex while in jail    I designed the Sears tower    I make two grand an hour    I cook the world's best duck flambe    I'll take the pick of the liter    And girls jockey for me    I don't need these lines to get laid       [Chorus]      I'm the man of the night    A real ladies delight    See, my figure was chisled from stone    One more for the gal then I'll escort her home    Come last call, I'm never alone   I own a house on the hill with a red water bed    It puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame    With girls by the pool and italian sports cars    I'm just here in this dump for the game      [Chorus x2]      Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shittin'?       I'm a pitiful sight   And I ain't all that bright    I'm definitly not chisled from stone    I'm a cheat and a liar    No women's desire    I'll probably die cold and alone       But just give me a chance    Cause deep down inside    I swear I got a big heart of gold    I'm a monoganous man    No more one night stands    Come on, honey, let me take you home       [Chorus x4]