Now handsome guys get girls that are pretty   Other guys get 'em 'cos they're clever and witty   But the only love I ever get, I get out of pity   'Cos I'm the ugliest man in town      I drive down the road in a Rolls Royce car   Use hundred dollar bills when I light my cigar   But still you know, that won't get you very far   When you're the ugliest man in town      There was a note on the doorstep where I was found   It said this sweet child weighs eleven pounds   So bring him up healthy and wealthy and stout   Keep his back to the light, don't let it turn around      Yeah all you women you're heartless and cold   All you want is my silver and gold   And don't you know that there's a beautiful soul   Inside the ugliest man in town      [Boy do I got plans for us]      Yeah I'm so ugly I shave in the dark   Kids start to cry when I walk through the park   Clocks stop ticking and dogs start to bark   Whenever I come around      Yeah I walk down the street and the girls all hiss me   If I die tomorrow not one of them would miss me   Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me   I'm the ugliest man in town      Yeah I'm the ugliest man in town      [You know a guy as ugly as you man could use a manager.   You know what I mean? Just sign this small piece of paper   here man. You can give me a couple of bucks a week, a couple   of free meals man. I'll take you all over the world. We'll   go to Japan baby, they'll love you over there baby.   They'll make another monster movie with you hahahaha]