If a girl isn't pretty   Like a Miss Atlantic City   All she gets in life is pity   And a pat      Kindly name a star who hasn't   Won a contest or a pageant   If she hasn't she just never   Gets to bat      She must shine in every detail   Like a ring, you're buying retail   Be a standard size that   Fits a standard dress      When a girl's incidentals   Are no bigger than two lentils   Then to me it doesn't spell   Success      Frumpy faces that could cause ya   To have temporary nausea   Do I have to hear a lecture   Such as that?      Is a nose with deviation   Such a crime against the nation?   Should I throw her into jail   Or drown the cat?      So she looks a bit off balance   She possesses golden talents   Or is that a pill too bitter   To digest?      Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hmm   But when they see that at Ortmund's   From the gallery they'll be   Throwing fruit