This next song is from a record breaking show   And it really set a record   It lasted nine previews and one performance   This is true, so I feel it's an important show   And the name of it was 'Another evening with Harry Stoons'      Oh, you remembered   Hmm, well, anyway, here's the main song from it      Call me a boob   Call me a schlemiel   Call me a brain   With a missing wheel      Call me what you will   But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Harold Mingert   And it's not because he has a car   Arnie Fleischer has a car, but a car is just a car   And if Harold didn't have a car to his name   I guess I'd love him just the same      Call me what you will   But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Harold Mingert   And it's not because he has a wealthy family   Arnie Fleischer has a wealthy family but money isn't everything   And if Harold didn't have a dime to his name   I know I'd love him just the same      But sometimes, I ask myself   Why then, do I then love Harold Mingert   Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart   And I don't find romance and a dance in his heart   The only answers I can think of   Are Harold Mingert's money and Harold Mingert's car      Call me what you will   But nonetheless, I'm still in love with Herscher Mingert   Also Arnie Fleischer