Well, once I was persuaded to open up my head   I told them how it was and went and got it wrong instead   I said would you believe me if you only knew   I'd been stealing everything, this conversations through      And the boy cried hang him at three   I saw him on the front page laughing at me   He worked in a fairground in a tall hat   He's a liar, he's a liar and a good one at that      Say what you wanna, say what you will   Write your number on my telephone bill   Walk like a monkey, kick like a mule   I could be a beggar but I'd rather be just as cruel      So I told them all I could about what could they expect   But I lost my sense of smell and I gained my self-respect   They told me I was curious I told them they were slow   And they asked me were I get this stuff I told them I don't know      And the boy cried whoopi de dee   There's a woman with a mustache who won't let me be   She was born on a Monday, she's a hundred and four   She's a liar, she's a liar and a little bit more      Say what you wanna, say what you will   Write your number on my telephone bill   Walk like a monkey, kick like a mule   I could be your beggar but I'd rather be just as cruel      And the boy cried hang him at three   I saw him on the front page laughing at me   He worked in a fairground in a tall hat   He's a liar, he's a liar and a good one at that      Say what you wanna, say what you will   Write your number on my telephone bill   Walk like a monkey, kick like a mule   I could be a beggar but I'd rather be just as cruel