Patrice:   Down the road, there�s a dairy queen   Up the block, there�s a Walmart   There�s a place you can accessorize your pets   A school, a tree, a couple of churches   And no matter how hard anybody searches   That�s about as thrilling as this dumb-ass village gets      It�s the lamest place in the world   But it just got a little bit better   So don�t disappear   It�s the lamest place in the world   But I�m pretty sure   It�s not as lame as it was before   Now that you�re here      Forty miles to the nearest river   Sixty miles to the airport   When we plan our escape, that�s where we�re going to have to be   It�s a shame, it�s a sham, it�s a terrible pity   You got dragged away from New York City   It�s major suck for you but it�s amazing luck for me      It�s the lamest place in the world   But it just got a little bit better   I�m happy to say   It�s the lamest place in the world      Your completely exotic   Intellectual neurotic   You would never have a shot except   You�ve found the perfect guide   And though I don�t really know you   I can hardly wait to show you      Every fake and freak   Every fool and clown   Since the Chippewa settled this stupid town   Let and laugh   They won�t keep me down   With you by my side      And it just got a little bit better   Amazing but true   Yes, the lamest place in the world   Has lots of flaws   But maybe it�ll be fine because   It brought me to you