She said it was just a figment of speech   And I said you mean, 'Figure'   And she said, 'No figment' because she could never imagine it happening   But it did      When we first met, I played the shy-boy   When she spoke to me for the first time, my nose began to bleed   She guessed the rest   The next day we went on a bus ride to the ferry      And when nobody came to collect our fares   Why I knew then this was something special   I couldn't stop thinking about her   And every time I switched on the radio, there was somebody else      Singing a song about the two of us   It was just like being on a fast ride at the fun fair   The sort you want to get off because it's scary and then   As soon as you're off, you want to get straight back on again      But oh, love is strange and you have to learn to take the crunchy   With the smooth I suppose, she began going out with Mr. Potato Head   It was when I saw her in the car park   With his coat around her shoulders, I realized      I went home and thought about the two of them together   Until the bath water went cold around me   I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts   And about the point where their bodies met      I confronted her about it   I said, "I'm the most eligible bachelor in town"   And she said, "Yeah, that's why I can never understand   Any of those silly letters, you send me"      And then one day it happened   She cut her hair   And I stopped loving her