My baby came to me lately   "Honey, please don't take this bad, but maybe   When you laid me   Could we try to spice it up?"      I looked across the table   First to see if she was joking   No joke   There was no flicker   Just a girl who wanted more      Than meat and potatoes   She may stop at whips and chains   She needs carousal   More arousal   A bit of pain      So we started by using handcuffs   We tried a can of cold whipped cream   I was allergic to so much dairy   She had to finish it all by herself      Then I slapped her   She wasn't expecting   So she hit me back   She frigging cracked me   I got a nose bleed   She was angry   She wanted more      Than mean and potatoes   She may stop at pumps and drains!   She needs carousal   More arousal   A bit of pain      Invite the neighbours   Or total strangers   Give yourself a leg up, honey   Wear "The Queen" mask   Put on the French basque   It's full of handy holes   If we're going to use them all   We're going to need more than      Meat and potatoes!   She may draw the line at dolls and freaks   She needs some abusing   Some amusement   To get through the week      "I know you respect me   You won't reject me   And the arrow of our love is straight and true"