The swiss miss girl made her fortune   Doing commercials on tv   But "easy come, easy go" was   Her philosophy   She spent all of her money   She was searching for some cash   So she went to her friend capt 'n crunch   Whom she'd met at a hollywood bash      The second that he saw her   He said, "i bet you're in need   Of some dough"   Perplexed and confused she asked him,   "oh but captain how did you know? "   Laughingly he responded,   "it was really just a lucky hunch"   With tears in her eyes she pleaded,   "will you help me out capt 'n crunch? "      The trials and tribulations   Of the swiss miss girl   She's got a famous reputation   And she's known throughout the world   But life's no bed of roses   She would change things if she could   She plans to make a brand new start   And move out of hollywood      The captain now was grinning   He felt he had her in the palm of his hand   He said, "darlin' you're a penniless woman   And I'm a wealthy man"   You know the rules of the game by now   I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine   He said, "let me take you out   And we'll talk about this   Over a bottle of wine"      The swiss miss girl was disgusted   And she smacked him right in his face   Then she took his hat   And she stamped on that   Just to put him in his place   But the old man was persistent   He would not be undaunted   The more that he'd been taunted   The more she turned him on      Then the captain made a pass at the swiss miss girl   Tryin' to show her his affection   She screamed for help and when she did...   Mr. clean came to her protection      The trials and tribulations   Of the swiss miss girl   She's got a famous reputation   And she's known throughout the world   But life's no bed of roses   She would change things if she could   She plans to make a brand new start   And move out of hollywood