I've met someone that makes me feel seasick   Oh, what a skill to have, oh, what a skill to have   So, many skills that make her distinctive   But they're not mine to have, no, they're not mine      Whenever she looks I read the nearest paper   No, I don't care about the soaps   No, I don't care about the soaps   Though I'm acting like I'm in an EastEnders episode      If this is a rom-com   Kill the director   If this is a rom-com   Kill the director, please      Carrots help us see much better in the dark   Don't talk to girls, they'll break your heart   And this is my head and this is my spout   They work together, they can't figure anything out      So, with the angst of a teenage band   Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand   Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand      If this is a rom-com   Kill the director   If this is a rom-com   Kill the director      If this is a rom-com   Kill the director, please      This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget   This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget      This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget   This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget      This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget   This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget      This is no Bridget Jones   This is no Bridget, Bridget Jones