PRINCETON   What do you do with a B.A. in English,   What is my life going to be?   Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,   Have earned me this useless degree.      I can't pay the bills yet,   'Cause I have no skills yet,   The world is a big scary place.      But somehow I can't shake,   The feeling I might make,   A difference,   To the human race.      ...      KATE MONSTER   Morning, Brian!      BRIAN   Hi, Kate Monster.      KATE MONSTER   How's life?      BRIAN   Disappointing!      KATE MONSTER   What's the matter?      BRIAN   The caterine company   laid me off.      KATE MONSTER   Oh, I'm sorry!      BRIAN   Me too! I mean, look at me!   I'm ten years out of college, and I   always thought -      KATE MONSTER   What?      BRIAN   No, it sounds stupid.      KATE MONSTER   Aww, come on!      BRIAN   When I was little   I thought I would be...      KATE MONSTER   What?      BRIAN   A big comedian   on late night TV   But now I'm thirty-two   And as you can see   I'm not      KATE MONSTER   Nope!      BRIAN   Oh Well,   It sucks to be me.      KATE MONSTER   Nooo.      BRIAN   It sucks to be me.      KATE MONSTER   No!      BRIAN   It sucks to be broke   and unemployed   and turning thirty-three.   It sucks to be me.      KATE MONSTER   Oh, you think your life sucks?      BRIAN   I think so.      KATE MONSTER   Your problems aren't so bad!   I'm kinda pretty   And pretty damn smart.      BRIAN   You are.      KATE MONSTER   Thanks!   I like romantic things   Like music and art.   And as you know   I have a gigantic heart   So why don't I have   A boyfriend?   Fuck!   It sucks to be me!      BRIAN   Me too.      KATE MONSTER   It sucks to be me.      BRIAN   It sucks to be me.   It sucks to be Brian...      KATE MONSTER   And Kate...      BRIAN   To not have a job!      KATE MONSTER   To not have a date!      BOTH   It sucks to be me.      BRIAN   Hey, ROd, Nicky, can you   settle something for us?   Do you have a second?      ROD   Ah, certainly.      KATE MONSTER   Whose life sucks more?   Brian's or mine?      NICKY AND ROD   Ours!      ROD   We live together.      NICKY   We're as close   As people can get.      ROD   We've been the best   of buddies...      NICKY   Ever since the   Day we met.      ROD   So he knows lots   Of ways to make me   Really upset.   Oh, every day is   An aggravation.      NICKY   Come on, that's   an exaggeration!      ROD   You leave your   clothes out.   You put your feet   On my chair.      NICKY   Oh yeah?   You do such anal   Things like ironing   Your underwear.      ROD   You make that very   Small apartment   We share a hell.      NICKY   So do you,   That's why I'm in hell too!      ROD   It sucks to be me!      NICKY   No, it sucks to be me!      KATE MONSTER   It sucks to be me!      BRIAN   It sucks to be me!      ALL   Is there anybody here   It doesn't suck to be?   It sucks to be me!      CHRISTMAS EVE   Why you all so happy?      NICKY   Becuase our lives suck!      CHRISTMAS EVE   Your lives suck?   I hearing you correctly? Ha!   I coming to this country   For opportunities.   Tried to work in   Korean deli   But I am Japanese.   But with hard work   I earn two Master's Degrees   In social work!   And now I a therapist!   But I have no clients   And I have an   Unemployed fiance'!   And we have lots   Of bills to pay!   It suck to be me!   It suck to be me!   I say it   Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-   Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-   Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-   Suck!   It suck to be me!      PRINCETON   Excuse me?      BRIAN   Hey there.      PRINCETON   Sorry to bother you, but I'm   looking for a place to live.      CHRISTMAS EVE   Why you looking all   the way out here?      PRINCETON   Well, I started at Avenue A,   but so far everything is out   of my price range. But this   neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!   Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!      BRIAN   You need to talk to   the superintendent.   Let me get him.      PRINCETON   Great, thanks!      BRIAN   Yo, Gary!      GARY COLEMAN   I'm comin'! I'm comin'!      PRINCETON   Oh my God!   It's Gary Coleman!      GARY COLEMAN   Yes I am!   I'm Gary Coleman   From TV's   Diff'rent Strokes   I made a lotta money   That got stolen   By my folks!   Now I'm broke and   I'm the butt   Of everyone's jokes,   But I'm here -   The Superintendent!   On Avenue Q -      ALL   It sucks to be you.      KATE MONSTER   You win!      ALL   It sucks to be you.      BRIAN   I feel better now!      GARY COLEMAN   Try having people   stopping you to ask you   "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"   It gets old.      ALL   It sucks to be you   On Avenue Q   (Sucks to be me)   On Avenue Q   (Sucks to be you)   On Avenue Q   (Sucks to be us)   But not when   We're together.   We're together   Here on Avenue Q!   We live on Avenue Q!   Our friends do too!   'Til our dreams   Come true,   We live on Avenue Q!      PRINCETON   This is real life!      ALL   We live on Avenue Q!      NICKY   You're gonna love it!      ALL   We live on Avenue Q!      GARY COLEMAN   Here's your keys!      ALL   Welcome to Avenue Q!