I was one tough nut until the day you made me crack   I was one tough customer until you paid me back   I was one tough cookie 'til I crumbled in your hand   Since that day I'm half a man   I drive my old nine-wheeler down I-two-and-a-half   The other truckers pity me so they try not to laugh   I pull off in Yreka and check into Motel Three   They've always got a little room for me   Chorus:   Half a man; I'm half a man   Sometimes I try to do the best I can   I know that on my own foot someday I'll have to stand   But right now I don't know how   Because I'm only half a man   I play solitaire 'til dawn with a deck of twenty-six   You might think I'm crazy but that's how I get my kicks   I listen to Rush Limbaugh 'cause he helps to ease my pain   He makes lots of sense if you're a man with half a brain   I buy a tenth of whiskey and a cold three-pack of beer   I drink 'til I see single when I gaze into my mirror   I know that through that looking glass is where I'll have to be   Reunited with the better half of me   Chorus   Someday I'll find a woman and a half and take her hand   But 'til then I don't know when   I will be more than half a man