You're helpless and hopeless   You want to help out the homeless   But you've got problems   You're selfish and worthless   And you have no fucking purpose   You're a cancer causing, cancer having slob   Whoa, Who-oa, Whoa      There are morals that conflict with orals   That conflict with anals, that believe in angels   Angels are hating on you   Good is the absence of evil   And evil is the absence of good   There is an axis of evil rolling into this neighborhood   With the sound of gun shots   Bang! Bang! Bang!   Whoa, Whoa, Whoa      It was then that I found I am vampire   I have fangs fucking 15 inches long   And the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someones blood   Feels so good I am compelled to sing this song   At night when I retire to my coffin, to sleep for a hundred years or more   All you people that I know will have died long ago and your children will have died 10 years before   Whoa, Whoa, Whoa