I don’t support a football team   And I can’t hold my beer   I subscribe to Heat magazine   And I quite like Ikea   I’m good at ironing   I like films with Meg Ryan in      ‘Cause I’m like a bird in every single way   I don’t know where my car is   I don’t know where my phone is   And everyone tells me that I’m like a bird in every single way   I don’t know where my bag is   I don’t know where my flat is      Trisha, that’s a show I don’t miss   And I’ve got no sense of direction   I sit down when I take a piss   I care about contraception   I attend yoga classes   And I worry how big my arse is      ‘Cause I’m like a bird in every single way   I don’t know how my phone works   I don’t know how my car works   And everyone tells me that I’m like a bird in every single way   I don’t understand rugby   Why does nobody love me?