The samples won't delay   But the cable   There's another way   Say something, anything      Test, one, two, three   Anything but that      This is weird   It's weird, very weird   Fuckin' weird   I'm so mad that I don't know what to do      Fighting with microphones   Freezing down to my bones   And to top it all off   I'm with you      Feel like going insane?   Got a fire in your brain?   And you're thinking   Of drinking gasoline?      As a matter of fact   Honey, I know this act   It's called   The 'Tango Maureen'      The Tango Maureen   It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round   As she keeps you dangling   You're wrong, you're heart she is mangling      It's different with me   And you toss and you turn   'Cause her cold eyes can burn   Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound      I think I know what you mean   The Tango Maureen      Has she ever pouted her lips   And called you 'Pookie'? Never   Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?   This is spooky      Did you swoon when   She walked through the door?   Every time   So be cautious      Did she moon   Over other boys?   More than moon   I'm getting nauseous      Where'd you learn to tango?   With the French Ambassador's daughter   In her dorm room at Miss Porter's   And you?      With Nanetter Himmelfarb   The Rabbi's daughter at   The Scarsdale Jewish   Community Center      It's hard to do this backwards   You should try it in heels      She cheated   She cheated   Maureen cheated   Fuckin' cheated      I'm defeated   I should give up right now   Gotta look on the bright side   With all of your might      I'd fall for her still anyhow   When you're dancing her dance   You don't stand a chance   Her grip of romance makes you fall      So you think, might as well   Dance a tango to hell   At least I'll have tangoed at all   The Tango Maureen      Gotta dance 'til your diva is through   You pretend to believe her   'Cause in the end, you can't leave her   But the end it will come      Still you have to play dumb   'Til you're glum and you bum and turn blue      Why do we love when she's mean?   And she can be so obscene      My Maureen   The Tango Maureen