whatever it is you think you are   you aren't:   a good friend, unique, well-read   good-looking, or smart   well now you know      well I hate to be the one to bear such bad news   I know it hurts to hear   but it's true   you don't mean anything   to anyone but me   and even I think   that you're blinded by conceit   so now you know      free beer   and basement shows   don't mean you've made it   it's what you do   not who you were, what you wear, where you've been   so do something      whoever you think is watching you dance   from across the room   they aren't   if anything, they feel sorry for you   'cause you try so hard      I know it hurts to hear   but it's the truth   so you might as well hear it   from a friend   you're a has-been   that never was   I know it's mean to say   but it's something I've been meaning to say to you   for a while   you're a has-been   that never was   or will be