Everyone from across the nationI'm gonna tell you the new sensationA deviationFor celebrationFrom Tokyo to the AppalachiansIt's hipAnd it is my dickFar too big to be called a prickMy dick is inRuth, Claire, and KimMakes Herman Munster look like Tiny TimCHORUS:My dickMy dickMy dickMy dickLike Zorro's ZMy dick Makes GG is Gook and Gook is meMC's game is makin a nameBut my dick has a star on the walk of fameIt plays one on one with Magic JohnsonAnd beasts his assI say my dick's so fast it didn't have to passWhat do you do when you're dick's so hugeThat John Holmes dreams of bein youBut Holmes is dead didn't use his headThis cock's gonna give a message insteadTo take your timeKnow your playmates don't be blindMy dick has its own zodiac signSo I know what I sayI was born in April and my dick was born in MayCHORUSMy dick is greatIt satiatesEvery woman I've ever known to dateThey say they've never gone that farWhen I die they wanna put my dick in a jarI refuteNot only huge, but cuteNo Smithsonian InstituteFor meYou have your memoriesOf a size an elephant enviesBut yetLet's not forgetIt's not just a measurementIt's the way it pumpsIt fills ten cupsSiskel and Ebert give it two thumbs upIt's fateI'll be there tomorrow but my dick is there todayCHORUSHaiti!There's a temple thereWhere all the natives sit and stareAt a photocopy of my dinkThat's truly righteous, don't you think?Every schoolboy's heard the legendBout how my cork is girlie heavenBody burnerKathleen TurnerOffered me a grand to learn hereBut I refusedThe holy meat won't be abusedI will never come to chooseFor money it will not be usedIntegrityThat is the path for meYou'll come to see the life I leadIs of uncommon loyaltyTo my dickWhere it goes I'll follow itCHORUS(Well... but you should see it when it's hard)