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Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man
Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park   Shaves in the dark trying to save paper   Sleeps in a hole in the road   Saving up to buy some clothes   Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose   Such a mean old man   Such a mean old man      His sister Pam works in a shop   She never stops, she's a go-getter   Takes him out to look at the queen   Only place that he's ever been   Always shouts out something obscene   Such a dirty old man   Dirty old man