[MARK]    And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is   partially set up.    [JOANNE]    [playing with some wires]  "Line in"...  I went to Harvard for this?    [MARK]    Close on Mark's nose dive.    [JOANNE]    "Line out"...    [MARK]    Will he get out of here alive...?    [JOANNE notices MARK approaching.]    [JOANNE]    Mark?    [MARK]    Hi.    [JOANNE]    I told her not to call you    [MARK]    That's Maureen  But can I help since I'm here    [JOANNE]    I hired an engineer ...    [MARK]    Great!  Well, nice to have met you    [JOANNE]    Wait!  She's three hours late  The samples won't delay  But the cable --    [MARK]    There's another way  Say something -- anything    [JOANNE (into the mike)]    Test -- one, two three --    [MARK]    Anything but that    [JOANNE]    This is weird    [MARK]    It's weird    [JOANNE]    Very weird    [MARK]    Fuckin' weird    [JOANNE]    I'm so mad  That I don't know what to do  Fighting with microphones  Freezing down to my bones  And to top it all off  I'm with you    [MARK]    Feel like going insane?  Got a fire in your brain?  And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?    [JOANNE]    As a matter of fact --    [MARK]    Honey, I know this act  It's called the 'Tango Maureen'  The Tango Maureen  It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round  As she keeps you dangling    [JOANNE]    You're wrong    [MARK]    Your heart she is mangling    [JOANNE]    It's different with me    [MARK]    And you toss and you turn  'Cause her cold eyes can burn  Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound    [JOANNE]    I think I know what you mean    [BOTH]    The Tango Maureen    [MARK]    Has she ever pouted her lips  And called you 'Pookie'    [JOANNE]    Never    [MARK]    Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?    [JOANNE]    This is spooky  Did you swoon when she walked through the door?    [MARK]    Every time -- so be cautious    [JOANNE]    Did she moon over other boys --?    [MARK]    More than moon --    [JOANNE]    I'm getting nauseous  [They begin to dance, with MARK leading.]    [MARK]    Where'd you learn to tango?    [JOANNE]    With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm   room at Miss Porter's. And you?    [MARK]    With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the   Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.    [They switch, and JOANNE leads.]    It's hard to do this backwards.    [JOANNE]    You should try it in heels!  She cheated    [MARK]    She cheated    [JOANNE]    Maureen cheated    [MARK]    Fuckin' cheated    [JOANNE]    I'm defeated  I should give up right now    [MARK]    Gotta look on the bright side  With all of your might    [JOANNE]    I'd fall for her still anyhow    [BOTH]    When you're dancing her dance  You don't stand a chance  Her grip of romance  Make you fall    [MARK]    So you think, 'Might as well'    [JOANNE]    "Dance a tango to hell"    [BOTH]    'At least I'll have tangoed at all'  The Tango Maureen  Gotta dance till your diva is through  You pretend to believe her  Cause in the end -- you can't leave her  But the end it will come  Still you have to play dumb  Till you're glum and you bum  And turn blue    [MARK]    Why do we love when she's mean?    [JOANNE]    And she can be so obscene    [MARK]    Try the mike    [JOANNE]    My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)    [MARK]    Patched    [JOANNE]    Thanks    [MARK]    You know -- I feel great now!    [JOANNE]    I feel lousy  [The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE.]  Honey, we're... [pause] Pookie?!   You never call me Pookie...   Forget it, we're patched.    [She hangs up, looks at MARK.]    [BOTH]    The Tango Maureen!    these lyrics are submitted by Angela Bennett