I'm never bored when I'm with you   We're pals, we're buddies through and through   I wish I knew what to buy for you    On your birthday      Our friendship goes against the grain   I've seen you swell up in the rain   I saw you - didn't see your pain   Was it termites      It's never hard to talk to you   Though you stump me with your silence   I feel so naughty pining here   For your happy face's guidance      My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank      Sitting there so silently    What could you be thinking   You're not saying; I won't axe   Is that sealant that you're drinking      Man, you're hammered! Nailed you, pal   Al Gore's wife's name is "Tipper   I knew that we'd be best friends for life   When I saved you from that chipper      My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank      Ooo, Plank    Count the rings, count the rings    Ooo, Plank    Count the rings      I'd walk you on the seven seas   But sawdust always makes me wheeze   I met your mom and dad the trees   But please don't get Dutch elm disease      My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank   My best friend Plank   You're my best friend, Plank