Bartender's sittin' them shots on the bar    Those last two Jagar bombs hit me hard    My best friend left and took the keys to my car    Who's gonna take me home?       That dad gum Jimmy he took me out back    Pulled a Marlboro cigarette out of his cap    Now I remember why I quit all that    Who's gonna take me home?       Well, I can't drive, I can't walk    And I'm a little too high to crawl    I'll hold up this wall    Till I come down or the room stops spinnin'    Gonna stand right here and chill out for a minute       Standin' in the men's room waitin' on a stall    Lean my head up against the cool concrete wall    Hey there's a few numbers I guess I could call    Who's gonna take me home?    (Where's my cell phone?)       Well, I can't drive, I can't walk    And I'm a little too high to crawl    I'll hold up this wall    Till I come down or the room stops spinnin'    Gonna stand right here, Oh wait just a minute!       Twelve little hotties crammed in a back booth    With a bachelorette all drinkin' Vermouth    Lucky for there's just enough room       Well hello girls, next round's on me    Toast a few drinks to the bride to be    Close the town down and then we'll see    Who's gonna take me home?       Yeah, who's gonna take me home?    Yeah, who's gonna take me home?       I can't drive    I can't walk    Too high    To crawl       Who's gonna take me home?