The bowels gurgle a bit more these days it seems    And he thinks more and more about the way he saunters 'round    The posture of his father is not his chosen destination    But though his head remains in same proximity   His chin with creeping dangle moves closer to the ground    He aims his good ear best he can towards conversation    And sometimes leans in awkward toward your seat    And if by chance one feels their space too invaded    Then try your best to calmly be discreet    Please try your best to calmly be discreet       Because this septic breathed man that stands before you    Is a champion from days gone by    And the tales of whales and woe off his liquored tongue will flow    The light will soft white twinkle off the cataracts in his eye    So if by chance you're cornered near the bathroom    Or he blocks you sprawled in his aisle seat    Embrace the chance to hear some tales of greatness    'Cause he is the most interesting ball of toxins you're ever apt to meet