what didn't kill me    left me cold enough to live this lie    now I drift desensitized reality has    had it's way with this time    confidence now lost in comfort    of familiar habits    I know it's destructive    but I can not get past this barricade    I boiled up inside too high    I've got to pull out of numbing phase    hold down this fear    push back self doubt    I'm most afraid that I will fall to failure    so much to say can't get it out    it's all a waste chaste    forced to indignant taste    self propelled rejection    it's more than I can take (right now)    so sick of hiding from what I can't face    so sick of hiding from what I can't face    I must get through this wall of insecurity    the thought of rejection more than    I can take and i've got to get out of this numb phase    set numb aside