By: steve goodman   1975   Uh this hotel room's gotta lotta stuff   Laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth   Thirty two hangers and a touch tone phone   Well a light that comes on when I ain't home      I ain't home   I ain't home   You better leave a message 'cause   I ain't home      They got an air conditioner for when I'm hot   A radiator for when I'm not   Two big chairs sittin' side by side   With a holy Bible and the tv guide      Tv guide   The tv guide   Great God almighty   It's the tv guide      I gotta second story view from curb to curb   I gotta sign that reads "do not disturb"   A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice   A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies      Mirror that lies   A mirror that lies   That couldn't be me   In the gorilla disguise      They got a room service menu for food and drink   A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink   Two big pillows to rest my head   A magic fingers and a king-size bed      Put in a quarter   Turn out the light   Magic fingers makes ya feel alright      Uh feel alright   Feel alright   Magic fingers makes you feel alright      Uh this ol' hotel's all right with me   They pay the postage if you lose the key   This hotel room's gotta lot of stuff   But I do believe I've had enough      Called my baby said don't you pout   I'm packin' my bags and I'm checkin' out   Just as soon as you hang up the telephone   Stick a candle in the window I'm comin' home      Comin' home   Uh comin' home   Stick a candle in the window   I'm comin' home      Whoa comin' home   Comin' home   Stick a candle in the window   I'm comin' home      -- spoken: "thank you boys"