(I pledge allegiance to Budweiser and free drugs)    Peace to Rick James, Anna Nicole Smith, Bill Clinton    (And people who pass out in hotel bathroom tubs)    And Motley Crue    And anyone else who has ever utilized their 15 minutes    Of fame to realize their true dreams of being an    Absolute jerk off, just to keep the masses entertained    (one nation underground, and taxis, and stipclubs)    This goes out to learning from the mistakes of others       Bring it on now    Come on    I said come on    I said come on       They call me a jerk, once they get to know me    But they don't stop calling, they read me well    It's no work if I was phony, I'd win a trophy    Who needs to make records when there's seeds to sell    Freak the bell, and make it all spin crooked    God please help, too much grim to look at    Grab the tree by the limb and shook it    Like, "Have you seen my self esteem, where the hell'd you put it?"    Oh wait, never mind, I found it in a bottle    Drunk at the Troubadour talking to a model    Wrecked the rental on Santa Monica Boulevard    I was headed to the El Rey to slap a security guard       Chorus:    Rowdy, stubborn, loud and arrogant    As American as apple pie and embarrassment    Package the kid's face, put it on display    Look ma, another national disgrace    Dumb and ignorant, drunk and belligerent    Open up your heart y'all, come on and let me in    Package the kid's face, put it on display    Look ma, another national disgrace       The liquor gets hold of the head liver's soul    Blurry on Sixth Street and Red River Road    Last thing I remember was the Ogden Theatre    Backstage bathroom making out with all three of ya    Kicked out of Topcats for where I put the vomit at    Finally passed out in a laundry mat    Malnourished and topless, slurring and obnoxious    Like, "Yo, we got this"    The Zodiac Killers 'bout to rock this    At the Great American Music Hall, pissin on the box office    Pick apart the detail, alcohol and females    All around the world same song    Houseton and Ludlow, Maxfish, Vampire    You poor the beer and I'll bring the satire    No prob, I'll play the part of doorknob and make it look    So good you're gonna wish that it was your job       Chorus       It's all about the hangovers, and late checkouts    Maid banging on the door like "wake up, get out"    But come on mami, y'all probably don't want me comin'    Out like a zombie brushing teeth in the lobby    This is a career, not a hobby    Ain't no reason to fear what you wanna see    Hey paparazzi, don't you wanna watch me quote the    Fonzi and then crash his Mazzaratti?    Sweat pants, t-shirt, mesh hat, blue blockers    Feeding Jack D to a room full of teenie boppers    Howdy neighbor, take a shot for flavor    Let's debate whether or not we should punch the waiter    I'm just kidding, let's love each other    It goes lick, swallow, suck, and order another    Do what you like, don't nobody care    It's a sign of success only in America       Chorus       (x4)    I didn't come to start no trouble or hurt no one    I'm just here to get drunk, party, and have some fun