Well who wipes me off when I get gravy on my shirt?   And who knows exactly where to kiss me when I hurt?   And who make love to me on satin sheets or in the dirt?   You babe, you're my bestest friend      Who takes me home when I get too drunk to dance?   And who bravely puts up with my uncles and my aunts?   And who discreetly whispers I forgot to zip your pants?   You babe, you're my bestest friend      And who comes down and bails me out when I get in a jam?   And helps me tell the police where I live and who I am?   And who pats my back when no one else could give a damn?   You babe, you're my bestest friend      And who can be as gentle as a sparrow in my hand   Meaner than a junkyard dog when she's fighting for her man?   And who's the only one I'll ever love and understand?   You babe, you're my bestest friend   Talking about you babe, you're my bestest friend