The school Christmas party is coming   We ain't doing rugby no more   McIntyre?s teaching us waltzing   Out on the gymnasium floor   Out on the gymnasium floor      McIntyre?s out of the army   You?ll be slippered if you get it one   McIntyre's dim, looms loud in the gym   Well, we've only got a little short song   We've only got a little short song      And it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, we?re all a disgrace   McIntyre tore us apart   And we danced with ourselves   When we?d all find a space   Waltzing with fear in our hearts   Waltzing with fear in our hearts      Comes the day of the big final manoeuvres   All of our heads are a whirl   It?s getting much closer to D day   This time we're gonna do it with girls   This time we're gonna do it with girls      In the arena the ladies were waiting   A twelve year old partner to guide   Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed   And a fat girl got left at the side   A fat girl got left at the side      And it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, we?re all a disgrace   McIntyre tore us apart   And we danced with ourselves   When we?d all find a space   Waltzing with fear in our hearts   Waltzing with fear in our hearts      When you come to my face   And I am under the lights   And you see that my footwork is false   Don't count me out at the start of the bow   I'm just doing the secondary waltz   Doing the secondary waltz