Well, I ain't been home for so doggone long   I almost forgot where I come from   Ain't got no money but I still ain't a bum   I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb      A back last summer down by the sea   I seen a pretty girl in   I snapped my fingers, said son of a gun   She's almost nearly but not quite plumb      Some people wonder how I live   Sometimes I pick, sometimes I give   People say I'm a bum   I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb      I met a pretty girl up in Chicago   She said, honey baby, I love you so   She begged me to stay and not act like a bum   I've been almost nearly but not quite plumb      Friends ask me why I don't take a wife   Settle down to a married life   They say it's good as most and it's better than some   I say I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb      Some people wonder how I live      Just the other night out in Tucson   I had a little date with a great big blonde   I took her home, she said didn't we have fun   Hmm, almost nearly but not quite plumb      When it's time for the final date with   Old Saint Pete's at the pearly gate   He'll say I hope you're ready for your time's come   I'll say I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb      Some people wonder how I live