Dum diti dum dang dang di dum   2 bums in an alley with a bottle of rum   1 bum said look jack I'm the shit   Put his knees to his ears and sucked his own dick   My mothers crazy I think she sniffs glue   She never liked me and I know that's true   Kicked me out the crib be'cause I got a tattoo   No one loves me and no one cares   And all I ever get is funny stares   I can't help it if I'm nothin but a wino   So I hang at the zoo chillin with the rhinos   Stealin' bottles of booze outta a & p   I know a girl at denny's and I always eat free   Got the same birthdate as thomas crapper   For christmas I bought the old man the clapper   I'm so dapper u can call me dan   But they call me round eye when I'm chilin in japan   Got a bad ass bitch adn she ain't no dike   But fuck that ho and let me tell ya what I like   I like bean burritos from taco bell   I like trippin on acid with dick vitale   My hair ain't plastic and my clothes aren't clashin'   I write my rhymes on a schooner in a 90's fashion   Took too many many trip and now I can's stop trippin   My mellow d. killed a rat in the kitchen   U think u toke tuff I'd disagree   Nobody blows more doobs than richard d.   I get ill on hoes who I know ain't fertile   I'm a real jet setter like cecil turtle   I'm down with bill bands so fuck joe glover   And while I'm at it muther fuck fat ass sally struthers   U look fine girl kinda undercover   But I can't fuck ya 'cause you look like my mother   I said dang digee dang di dang dang   It ain't eric estrada or kool and the gang   U know I hand in the clem chillin on the strip   With all them mother fuckers who slang that shit   U know I'm a pimp hold my dick like a holster   U sing it "all the girls want a kid rock poster"   Lifes a big joke and that's how it strikes me   But fuck it 'cause I know "somebody up there likes me."   Assholes are only assholes, fo sho'