Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party   We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog   Little sister brought her new boyfriend   He was a Mexican   We didn't know what to think of him until he sang   Felis Navidad, Felis Navidad      Brother Ken brought his kids with him   The three from his first wife Lynn   And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell   Of course he brought his new wife Kay   Who talks all about AA   Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel   The First Noel      Carve the Turkey   Turn the ball game on   Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone   Send somebody to the Quickpak Store   We need some ice and an extension chord   A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites   A box of tampons, Marlboro Lights   Haleluja everybody say Cheese   Merry Christmas from the family      Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen   I can't remember how I'm kin to them   But when they tried to plug their motor home in   They blew our Christmas lights   Cousin David knew just what went wrong   So we all waited out on our front lawn   He threw a breaker and the lights came on   And we sang Silent Night, Oh Silent Night, Oh Holy Night      Carve the turkey turn the ball game on   Make Bloody Mary's    Cause We All Want One!   Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go   We need some celery and a can of fake snow   A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites   A box of tampons, some Salem Lights   Haleluja, everybody say cheese   Merry Christmas from the Family