So I stepped up for the weighin' I knew the scales were wrong   Cause you know how them drugstore scales get stepped on all day long   A little fortune card came out it bears upon my mind   There was no fortune all it said but just one at a time   Because when I'm a heavyweight I'm fine when I'm fine   I got a suit for every weight up to size fifty-nine   I always wanted to waterski I finally got up this year   Two iron boards and toe chain and I came right out of there   People wonder how I laugh at things that make 'em frown   And how I keep my double chin from a draggin' on the ground   I guess the folks are curious ask where I get to drive   But I can go to distance with any girl alive   Because honey I'm a heavyweight I'm fine if you are mine   You won't get cold in the winter and I'm a shade in summertime   One gets lonely two's companions three's a crowd they say   But I won't fuss if you bring the bus and load the darlings by today   Someday I'll have to hangin' up and underfeet the heavyweight   I'll never make the weighin' for a million dollare gate   I'm a suckin' it to you puny lads you better stay out of my way   And maybe next year you might be able to prove a little weigh your way   Cause when I'm a heavyweight I was fine sixty-nine   And that's not my suit size buddy just the year I left behind   But when they try to put me down six feet under the ground   There ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound   No there ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound