When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad   Seem like total silence was the only friend I had   Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down and won   And it was twelve o'clock before I realized   That I was havin', no fun      Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality   And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile   It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while   Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone   No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun      Last time I checked my bankroll, it was gettin' thin   Sometimes it seems like the bottom   Is the only place I've been   Chased a rainbow down a one-way street, dead end   And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen      Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality   And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile   It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while   Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone   No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun      Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls   Tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls   I dreamed the police heard   Everything I thought, what then?   Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman      Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality   And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile   It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while   Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone   No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun   Well done, hot dog bun, my sister's a nun