Nobody cares, 'bout ocean affairs   He's by himself 'cause nobody loves him   Cleaning his sand filled boots with his hand   Looking for something but nothing sees him      Happy was he in spite of his knee   That wasn't there because of his day job   There was a man who took to the band   Paying attention tried to adhere him      And he ran, and he shot   But his rivals were sharp   And the kids in the sand   Struggled finding a plan      Seemingly fine he sipped on his wine   Terror was healthy but not on a mission   There was a sea, a mystical tease   Our cannons were shot ?til we couldn't afford them      Others would have died alone   Angels all worked free   Timeless fairs and sing-alongs   Speaking naturally      And he ran, and he shot   But his rivals were sharp   And the kids in the sand   Struggled deep hand in hand      All the way from the bay   We can hear them say   All the time we were dead   And I'm Captain Splendid      And he ran and he shot   But his rivals were sharp   And the kids in the sand   Struggled deep hand in hand      All the way from the bay   I could hear them say   I don't care if we're dead   I am Captain Splendid