Your grandma’s on a walker in the old folk’s home   Your grandpa lost his dentures and he’s starting to foam   Your dad’s inside a biker bar; he’s acting like a turd   He’s sittin’ on a stool and yelling “play Free Bird!”      Well I’m wondering what the heck is wrong with all of your kin   Your sister stole my credit card and figured out my PIN   And the love you say you have for me is just imagination   I’m gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation      So far away   I’m sending you away today   Down Beijing way   Across the wall you’ll join the fray   And I’m feeling really gay   ‘cause you’re a million miles away      You stabbed me in the heart with a plastic fork   You chewed me up and spit me out like sweet-n-sour pork   And when the waiter brought the bill you just expected me to pay   You ran out with some moviestar and left me here to stay   I’m wondering what the hell that I’m supposed to do   I’m sick of love and feel just like I got the flu   Well what the doctor ordered for me is some rejuvenation   I’m gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation      So far away   I’m sending you away today   Down Beijing way   Across the wall you’ll join the fray   And I’m feeling really gay   ‘cause you’re a million miles away      I coulda been happy just to take any chance   I’d seduce ya, and kiss you, and search for romance   I got a chopstick reserved for you deep in my pants   But you sting just like ants   And you’re making it so hard to dance   Hey, I forgot how to do the dance      Your heart is like an army that can do no wrong   You treat me like a puppet state, I'm just Taiwan   So go ahead and call the guard and call off all of your troops   My tears are just as salty as this wonton soup   And my strength is just as limp as a Chinese noodle   What the hell are you trying to feed me;   Is it pork or is it poodle?   I need a special visa from the United Nations   I’m gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation      So far away   I’m sending you away today   Down Peking way   Across the wall you’ll join the fray   And I’m feeling really gay   ‘cause you’re a million miles away   But I feel so sad today   Like you’re a billion miles away